Something really messed up my mind few days ago.
I met someone by chance, my senior when I was studying in college. Then we had our dinner together. He suddenly said something that really made me shock. We were talking about something that oh-not-so-important in the beginning, it’s like “things we can do when we are trapped in a traffic jam”, but then he suddenly stared right in my eyes and said:
“I put something in your heart but you didn’t even realize it”
My heart beat fast.
I asked him what did he mean.
“See? You didn’t even understand”. Said him.
“So tell me more”, I replied.
“I put something, right in your heart, and I wish you understand, but you didn’t”.
I kept in silence. I didn’t know what to say. Not only because I still doubt of what he said, whether it’s the same of what I thought–or not, but also because I thought he didn’t really mean it.
“But now it’s over. Let’s get it over”.
“Are you joking?” I asked.
“Yes, you are! You are laughing when you said it. You didn’t really mean it” I accused him.
“Everybody say so. Everybody thinks I’m joking when I tell the truth while I’m laughing”. It’s my bad.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I smiled cynical.
“I just wanted you to know by yourself. I needed you to realize it yourself. But you didn’t”
“It’s your fault to never let me know”
“I know. That’s why let’s get it over. Forget everything we have in the past”
“Do we have? What do we have?”
“What memories? We didn’t even have it”
“We have. Everything. Everything about us”.
“Which one? Our-jogging-moment is a memory?”
I need to confess something. I used to like him. And I was a girl who really hate to do sport. But when I knew this guy likes jogging much, no need to think twice to buy a pair of sport shoes in order to do sport with him. And the good news was, sometimes we spent our time by jogging together.
“Everything we did together, every song we sang together, every jokes we laughed together..”
I blinked my eyes many times. And I felt my tears was gonna run down. Something spread my heart. Something crossed my mind.
If only he told me the truth.
If only he knew I was feeling that way too.
If only we can easily say what we feel.