Arsip Tag: feeling

Dear, D

Dear, D. The one who had burn my spirit to write again.

It’s been a long time since the last time i wrote about you. I don’t really remember when did the first time I wrote about every single thing on you. I was so interested that a day without writing you is a meaningless day.

Today, I don’t want to write about how much i adore you. I don’t want to write about how fast my heart beats when you’re near. I don’t want to write every single thing I like about you that make me suffer when I didn’t see you even a day.

You are my best friend. You are special. You are incredible. Your sillyness, your laughter, your suggestion in every problem I told you, your sarcastic opinion when I’m doing something weird, those things will always be on my mind.

Now you’re apart. I don’t wanna count how many days you left this town. I don’t wanna count how far you are from me. I don’t wanna countdown when will we meet again as you promise.

One thing I’ve just known about you: that you like reading my post, and the best thing is knowing that you want me to keep writing. I said: “You were my inspiration, so how do you expect me to write again, when you’re not here anymore?”. And you said: “every single thing is an inspiration, with or without me here, you have to keep writing. It’s your passion”

I remember the day when you wanted me to write a script for you. I was so excited because I always dream about a day that I make a story and you make it a movie. And when you asked me to do that, I didn’t need time to say yes. You get me to make a psycho story–not kind of my genre–but it really challenge me. I did my best but oneday you throw the script I gave you. I thought ” what’s wrong? I did my best. I wrote every single thing you want me to write. But you, with your arrogance throw it all and you had me to re-write every part that you don’t like”. Okay then, you are a director and a scriptwriter should have do what the director want. But i didn’t feel hurt. I thought my writing was really far from what you want. Then I write again, repairing the bad part of it. Not for you, but for me, to prove that I can write like what you want, to challenge myself that I can write out of my comfort zone.

So this is a post special for you,  who always force me to write no matter happen. To write every single thing i feel: sadness, happiness, joy, sorrow. To write every single person who stay in my heart: lover, friends, family, and even strangers.

Thank you for being my inspiration. Thank you for keeping this friendship. Thank you for letting me know that how far we’re apart, it’s not a big deal to still keep in touch. Thank you for remind me that a writing lasts forever.

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Something Left Behind

Something really messed up my mind few days ago.

I met someone by chance, my senior when I was studying in college. Then we had our dinner together. He suddenly said something that really made me shock. We were talking about something that oh-not-so-important in the beginning, it’s like “things we can do when we are trapped in a traffic jam”, but then he suddenly stared right in my eyes and said:

“I put something in your heart but you didn’t even realize it”

My heart beat fast.

So fast.

I asked him what did he mean.

“See? You didn’t even understand”. Said him.

“So tell me more”, I replied.

“I put something, right in your heart, and I wish you understand, but you didn’t”.

I kept in silence. I didn’t know what to say. Not only because I still doubt of what he said, whether it’s the same of what I thought–or not, but also because I thought he didn’t really mean it.

“But now it’s over. Let’s get it over”.

“Are you joking?” I asked.

“I’m not”

“Yes, you are! You are laughing when you said it. You didn’t really mean it” I accused him.

“Everybody say so. Everybody thinks I’m joking when I tell the truth while I’m laughing”. It’s my bad.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I smiled cynical.

“I just wanted you to know by yourself. I needed you to realize it yourself. But you didn’t”

“It’s your fault to never let me know”

“I know. That’s why let’s get it over. Forget everything we have in the past”

“Do we have? What do we have?”

“Memories”

“What memories? We didn’t even have it”

“We have. Everything. Everything about us”.

“Which one? Our-jogging-moment is a memory?”

I need to confess something. I used to like him. And I was a girl who really hate to do sport. But when I knew this guy likes jogging much, no need to think twice to buy a pair of sport shoes in order to do sport with him. And the good news was, sometimes we spent our time by jogging together.

“Everything we did together, every song we sang together, every jokes we laughed together..”

I blinked my eyes many times. And I felt my tears was gonna run down. Something spread my heart. Something crossed my mind.

If only he told me the truth.

If only he knew I was feeling that way too.

If only we can easily say what we feel.

Seeing You from a Distance

Pouring rain outside. I saw slippery sidewalk behind the foggy window in a corner of a fast food restaurant near my college. I do enjoyed this moment–seeing vehicle moved slowly while listening to some romantic love songs through my white earphone.

I was having my hot chocolate and crispy french fries when I saw you came through the main entrance to the smoking-area. You’re still like the last time I saw you. Did you know what’s going on my heart? Ya, it beats fast. It feels like there’s a butterfly in my stomach. The feeling’s always like this, it’s just the same since I saw you for the very first time. And seeing you accidentally in this unexpected time and place is under my control.

You were sucking your mild cigarette when a beautiful tall and long hair girl came to you.

I was just fine.

I just felt like the world was tumbling down in font of me.

I was just alright.

I just felt something hurt inside my heart.

Jealous?

YES!

But who am I to be jealous? You were never mine and we had nothing to be fight. We had nothing to be proud. We had nothing to be remember…

When I always found my self hoping can see you accidentally in any places, since then I didn’t. When I always found myself hoping can see you with no distance, since then I didn’t.

Because I learned that some things are better to be seen from a distance.